New Director
by gunz
Summary: What would happen if the director of Saiyuki suddenly left abruptly on a vacation to Japan? Even worse, what would happen if she left Sanzo in charge as the new director? Will everything will go smoothly or become one disastrous chaos...
1. Sanzo as the Director

_**Sanzo as New Director**_

Disclaimers: Blah, blah, blah…The characters in this story DO NOT belong to me aside from Samantha whom I'm casting as the director. Satisfied now? Great. This fanfiction is dedicated to my good friend Samantha and no; do not even dare to think that you can use this piece of information to blackmail me.

Characters:

Samantha (As director)

Sanzo

Gojyo

Goku

Hakkai

Lilin

Dokugakuji

Yaone

Kougaiji

The cameras are set in place and the lights are dimmed. The actors are making last-minute preparations for the characters which they are about to play.

Samantha: 'Take 1! Action!'

(Take 1)

The sun is shining brightly in the aqua-blue sky. (A/N: Duh, have you ever seen a dim sun other than an eclipse? Maybe dim sum the dumpling but… you get the point. I'd better stop talking about food now; Goku is practically drowning in his own saliva.) Two figures are seen standing in the desert surrounded by a seemingly endless vast area of sand.

Goku (Rudely interrupting): 'What's with this really lousy desert? Don't you know that sand isn't edible? Samantha; I'm hungry! When's dinner?'

(Sanzo starts whacking Goku on the head with his lethal paper fan.)

Sanzo: 'Shadup, shadup, SHADUP! You stupid monkey with a stomach in place of your brain! Lunch was five minutes ago!'

(Back to take 1)

The two figures turn out to be Goku and Kougaiji. Upon seeing each other, they both ready themselves in a position to fight. Kougaiji is the first to attack and dashes forward with demonic speed (A/N: He is a demon after all.), hands and claws extended to beat Goku to a pulp (A/N: That is if he can.).

(Kougaiji trips over a stone)

Kougaiji (sweatdrops): 'What the…'

(He lands face first into the sand.)

Kougaiji (Choking in disgust) 'Blagh! Yuck!'

(Sanzo and Gojyo smirk deviously while the more compassionate Hakkai sweatdrops along with Lilin, Yaone and Dokugaiji. Goku starts laughing hysterically like a mad maniac just as a strong wind blows. Sand is blown into his face as well as his wide open mouth.)

Goku (Joining Kougaiji): 'Blagh! Yuck! Told you that sand isn't edible!'

(Behind the set)

Gojyo (Unable to control his laughter): 'Bwahahaha! What the hell was that? That must be what they call handage! Heh heh…'

Dokugakuji: 'Sometimes, little brother, I think that you're seriously ill in the mental department. Why even bother asking a question if you already know the answer?'

Gojyo (Anger vein popping out at his forehead): 'Like hell I'm little!'

Dokugakuji (Calmly): 'You have several options. Little, tiny, miniature, puny, small, mini…'

Gojyo (Cuts Dokugakuji off from his rant): 'Why you!'

(Deciding that actions speak louder than words, Gojyo starts a fight with Dokugakuji. Clouds dust rise and envelope the two in anime style, showing only glimpses of limbs flying here and there. Hakkai's and Yaone's voices can be heard in the background pleading them to stop before being drowned out by the war cries by Gojyo and Dokugaiji. (A/N: They don't really do war cries do they?))

Lilin: 'Where's baldy head? It's not like him to miss out on something like this.'

(Everybody stops what they were doing instantly.)

Gojyo (Nursing a black-eye and nodding in agreement): 'Lilin's right. That sadistic monk is always on the prowl for something like this to happen. Where could he be?'

Sanzo (Appearing out of nowhere and freaking everyone out): 'What the hell are you bullshitting about? You stupid cockroach, it's footage, not handage!'

Gojyo (Trying to stop his eyebrow from twitching): 'Who died and made you the director guru?'

Sanzo (Smirking evilly): 'You're now looking at your new director. Samantha got fed-up with your moronic acts and is now taking a vacation in Japan.'

(Everybody's jaw drops down.)

A/N: Yay, that was the perfect cliffhanger for me to stop at… Please review and whatever or I won't update!


	2. Drastic Changes

**_Chapter 2_**

* * *

Things have now changed dramatically with Sanzo as the new director. 

(Gets whacked on the head with lethal paper fan.)

Sanzo (Anger vein popping out): "What do you mean by taking a turn for the worst? Your English is atrocious, why the goddam hell are you narrating? DIE!"

(The narrotor manages to survive as Sanzo has turned his attention to Goyjo.)

Gojyo: "She's trying to say in the nicest way known to the world that you offically suck as a director and that we are all doomed. (Breaking into hysterics.) Unfortunately, that, means that the world is about to lose its biggest heart throb unless something drastic is done. I'm only 22! Much too young to die! Especially at the hands of a freaking sadistic monk!"

(Sanzo starts reloading his demon exterminating gun, his anger vein protruding even more visibly.)

Hakkai (Trying to break Sanzo and Goyjo's fight): "Now, now, Sanzo. I'm sure its really not necessary to take such a drastic measure. Surely you don't want to reduce yourself from a monkey-rearer (Referring to Goku as the monkey) to a pest exterminator?"

Sanzo (Calming down and putting his gun away): "I agree with you but I'm not a monkey rearer!"

Goku (Stuffing his mouth full of food.): "Imfutefonyr!"

Dokugakuji: "Can someone please translate that?"

Lilin: "He said I'm not a monkey!"

Gojyo (Venting his anger on Lilin): "I should have known. Monkeys can understand other monkeys."

Kougaiji (Very pissed off): "One more word out of you and I'll slit your throat and tear your voice box out."

Yaone: "Kougaiji san! Don't let Lilin hear such stuff!"

Dokugakuji: "Well, remember what happened in Take 2?"

* * *

_Flashback_

Take 2

Kougaiji and Goku are getting ready for yet another fight. Kougaiji dashes forward, this time flawlessly unlike the previous time.

Goku: "Staff, extend!"

As Goku's staff extends, it snaps.

Goku: 0.0

As it breaks into two,Goku falls towards the ground. Luckily he drops on Kougaiji as he dashes by. (A/N: As in luckily for him and unluckily for Kougaiji who is now as flat as a pancake imprinted into the ground.)

_End of flashback_

* * *

Kougaiji (Glaring at Sanzo): "The stupid monkey had just eaten his fill and I had all of my breath squeezed out of me. 5000 years of my life has been taken away." 

Sanzo (Returning the glare with one of his own personally specialized death glares): "The problem was not with the prop. The stupid monkey was just overweight."

Kougaiji: "Oh really? You monk with a warped mind, that monkey burns off his calories by being hyper-active and annoying us."

(In the background, Goku is preoccupied with taking a nap. Everyone sweatdrops.)

Sanzo (Giving a sarcastic snort.): "I agree with the annoying part but not with the hyper-active."

Gojyo: "Anyway that's not the point. The fact is that Goku's staff has never broken before. At least not till corrupt monk took over and replaced the props with the second hand cheapskate materials."

Lilin: "That's right! I agree with crappy cockroach head. Although baldy head's a good piggy back ride, he's a bad, horrible director."

Everyone sweatdrops.

Yaone: "How long is Samantha going to be in Japan anyway?"

Sanzo: "How the dammed hell am I supposed to know? Maybe around 6 months or so. She'll do anything to get away from the likes of you."

A dark aura settles over the group as they think about what they would do to get away from director Sanzo. Harkuyuu is even considering enrolling himself in the circus with Hakkai as his trainer...

* * *

A/N: So that's it. Please review! Oh yeah, and can anyone please come up with suggestions for chapter three in their reviews? I'm sorry but I'm just out of ideas and under too much stress... This is the result of being a school girl hassled by teachers to hand up homework on time... 


End file.
